I am making my husband's #1 fantasy come to life, and no, it's not having two women at the same time, although I'm sure that one ranks high as well. My husband has a set of preferences that are a bit...ANAL. There are many, but one in particular is that he wants to come home from work to everything tidy and in it's place. It makes him absolutely insane to think of someone else meddling with his "things." No, I'm not stepping up my game on housework . Try actually living in your house rather than using it as a pit stop & you will see why.
I'm giving him the biggest room in the house, just his stuff, soundproofed, & a dead bolt lock! He will have the work-out equipment (which I will still have a pass to use), his drum set, my black leather theater couch & chair, a television, his desk, books, files, etc. He can also cover his walls with pictures of his Mother if he wishes to do so, as long as he can keep that energy within the room and not allow it to escape and poison the rest of the house. (Just kidding hon, had to add a MIL joke in there for effect, you know, just to spice up my writing;)
Don't get me wrong, I benefit from this new arrangement as well. I get the entire downstairs for our Unschooling adventures. We get Mike's current office all to ourselves, which I really love because it has big windows (more light!), a high ceiling, hardwood floors, french doors, and pretty yellow walls. It is attached to the kitchen, which I frequent all day long in order to keep my family fed with the very best of everything. I can't wait to fill the office/new Unschool-Room walls with maps and the bookshelves and storage cubes with all sorts of interesting things! Also, I happen to come with my own set of preferences....
I can't stand a television! I only want to hear the chime of children's voices, (sometimes not necessarily a "chime", but still better than the television), and maybe dog bark or two, while I cook, read, etc. While I exist in the moment. I tried for a while to bond with husband in front of the television...not so much. First of all, he never watches anything from beginning to end, but rather watches snippets, changing channels as soon as a commercial comes on, maybe going back to the previous channel, maybe not. Secondly, I just can't find purpose in watching television. Watching someone else play a game (sports), someone else live their life, someone getting their insatiable ego satisfied. I am more of a participant than I am an observer..I would rather be living my life rather than watching someone else's. I have ALWAYS been this way. He used to attempt to "share" things with me on TV (I would be cooking or something...), Husband ~"Robin, listen, you have to hear this! Did you hear it? That's so funny!! Bwahahaha!", but after 1000+ times of sincerely and with all of my heart and soul not being amused, I think we both finally got it that TV was not going to be something we do as a couple.
I don't like to hear the drums! Maybe ten years ago I would have been turned on, but now it just hurts my ears and destroys my Zen. Just as kiddos demanding husband's attention as soon as he gets home from work conflicts with husband's desire for "veg" time, husband's drum practice AND television usually occurs about the same time of day *I* crave "veg" time.
I don't believe that putting something away as soon as you are finished using it is applicable to every situation. When the kiddos complete a puzzle or build something amazing with Legos, we like to leave it out awhile to admire it, not tear it down and "put it away" when we are done. If the kiddos construct a brilliant "tent" out of throw pillows and blankets in the middle of the living room at 4pm, I don't want to make them destroy their work of art before 530pm because husband will be home soon. We may start writing in our journal at 8am, but get writer's block by 8:10am, so we leave the journal right there on the kitchen table open to the page we are writing on. Maybe we walk by it at 10am and have a fabulous thought to add to it? Maybe someone sees it on the table at dinner and mentions it, and it spurs a family conversation on what we were writing about?
Where Mike has a no-food-out-of-the-kitchen policy for children only, I believe that there are circumstances that warrant food outside of the kitchen for children , not just adults. Popcorn or pizza with a movie, a spring water by your side wherever you are to stay hydrated, and many more. If a kiddo needs a protein lift, a craving for something sweet, etc, I don't want them stuffing the food down in a hurry in order to get back to what they were doing, because this encourages poor eating habits. We talk about being careful with crumbs, cleaning up after ourselves, etc, but it is normal at their age to still have accidents. That's what dogs and cats are for...just kidding! Don't get me wrong, I am sanitary...five cups in my teens room with "things" growing in them or a sucker stuck to the carpet still pisses me off! I just don't believe that all food & drink consumption must happen at kitchen table is the answer.
I need flexible timing. Being Unschoolers
My children came along and broke my ridiculous obsession with perfection long ago. It's not that my children and I don't respect our "things" or others "things", it's just that I have had a really hard time in my past with being obsessive and possessive over "things." For example, if a college course was going to be a B, I would drop it if I could and pay to take it over. My college transcript is a mile long! (withdraw, A, withdraw, A, etc) This seems insane to me now, especially after I went into the job field and realized that the people who half-assed their way through all of their courses still got the same degree I did, and were still half-assing it at work, earning the same as me or more! I was rescued from myself a few years ago when the Universe set things in place for me through some profound heartbreaks, all for my spiritual growth, and I was able to let go of my emphasis on "things."
I now find my husband's obsession unattractive, because I see the old me in it, and it caused me so much inner conflict, anger, and pain. I am blessed to be rid of it. I despise it, and here I am married to it!! lol Sometimes I am obnoxious with my being on the extreme opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to being anal, but I am working on this. My husband's anal tendencies do benefit us in many areas, though, such as finances, legalities, and maintenance & upkeep of things, just as my relaxed tendencies help us with "being in the moment" more and determining what is the big deal and what isn't really. Not to mention, he does love to see me like a helpless fish flopping around on the pier in certain situations, because it serves his manly ego well to swoop in and take charge and rescue me. Both of us are struggling to find a balance, because both of us are to the extreme in our very opposite tendencies. We are both making progress, he more so than I, I will have to admit. It seems that we were placed in each others paths by the Universe especially for each others Spiritual Growth. We are hoping that his new Man World Room will satisfy his needs for being in control of something, because since we moved in and infiltrated his once predictable home setting, he feels that he has no control and no space to call his own.
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