My Perfect Christmas

Close to one of the last happy, happy Christmases, Granny, Me, Aunt Lu in our new coats. Little did we know life would change forever in about two years.

My Dad. Strong. But not strong enough to beat cancer.

Christmas was a big time in my childhood, until my Dad passed away with cancer when I was eight years old. Granny even stopped putting a tree up. It really irritates me when I hear people question God about Why???? their 50 year old parent was taken by cancer. Really? Well, that is 20 more years than my Dad got, and 20 more years than I got. My children have NEVER met their Grandpa. I was NEVER still Daddy's little girl when I hit my teen years. Many may find this insensitive. It may be, but it's how I feel. I am aware of it, and it is what it is.

I had no problem at all that my boys' visitation with their Dad fell on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. He was thrilled to have them, and they were thrilled to be with him. I need to say this: I was actually relieved. I was excited. I embraced the time I had to regroup, and to appreciate them more because of their absence. ("Absence makes the heart grow fonder"...Especially with the Girl 16...everyone with a "Cassidy" needs a baby daddy for them to have visitation with! Or three!;) **This is where I will take a moment to deliver a big "Fuck You" to all of the "Puritans" who judge me because I have two baby's daddies! Seriously, and from the bottom of my heart. If I had my way, I would make it three :) :) :) **



I have been tearing down the walls that confine my spirit for several years now, and expectations that others impose upon me as well as self-imposed expectations have come crumbling down...exhale! I can breathe!  I have stepped into an awareness in my life in which I am able to make special moments every day, many times a day, and out of the simple pleasures in life taken for granted by many in our rush-rush lives. I am blessed with the leisure of being minimally controlled by the calendar . I will never wait on a certain day, such as a holiday, birthday, or anniversary, to make a moment. Those dates may never come for some of us. I am on my schedule, and will only be on yours if I commit to it. I spent years EXPECTING my Christmases to be just as they were before my Dad passed away, and because they never were, I was disappointed for years! Self-imposed perpetual disappointment. 

I did a "progressive Christmas" with the kiddos that stretched out over days, weeks, and it was sooo nice, opening one gift and playing with it all day, or for several more days, before opening another. We read Christmas books, played games with our Elf on the Shelf, hit several Christmas parties, baked Christmas yummies, decorated gingerbread houses, made Christmas crafts, attended special Christmas events, enjoyed Christmas lights, sipped hot cocoa at the Christmas parade, listened to Christmas music, sang carols, celebrated Winter Solstice, ate all of the chocolates out of the Advent Calendar, and much more....

My Christmas was just the way it was meant to be and perfect, yet there was no opening gifts, no rushing from here to there, no traditional Christmas dinner, and my children were not with me. The husband and myself had reservations at Buca Di Beppo for 2pm, so we could sleep in and not be rushed, and because I have been craving Spicy Chicken Rigatoni since November 5th-ish. We were still fifteen minutes late for our reservations. We shared a bottle of wine and lots of laughs. We always share lots of laughs. He thinks I'm funny, and I think he's funny, even though many other people don't think either one of us is funny.

~ Gentle Birth. Celeste Noelle with Sexiest Momma Alive ~

While getting my hourly injection of Facebook via cell in Buca, I discovered that my new friend gave birth to a beautiful baby girl Christmas morning, and to make it even more special, it was a home birth. It really irritates me when people gasp in horror at the mention of  the word "home birth." I am in awe of the power and the beauty of a home birth.


A gentle birth...a breastfeeding, baby-wearing, cloth-diapering Momma.... is by far the sexiest Momma.

Friend welcomes me into her home on the day her baby is born (provided I come bearing gifts of chocolate), and I find myself cuddling and sniffing a 12 hour old babe on Christmas Day!  A fresh, new life, in my arms, on Christmas Day. Here is a link to her full home birth story, but I am not sure if non-friends on FB can access it...The longer version of Celeste Noelle’s Christmas Homebirth

It was snowing as I drove home.

An entire month of soaking up Christmas with my lovies. Holding new life in my arms, and a blanket of white covering the earth, both on Christmas Day. How perfect was that?