"I was undisciplined by birth, never would I bend, even in my tender youth, to a rule. It was at home I learned the little I know. Schools always appeared to me like a prison, and never could I make up my mind to stay there, not even for four hours a day, when the sunshine was inviting, the sea smooth, and when it was joy to run about the cliffs in the free air, or to paddle in the water." -Claude Monet  

 

A magical February day today! It started for me with new Organic Hazelnut coffee (it's the little things:) Not long after my fourth sip, I was being summoned to the backyard with camera in hand by screams of excitement....the boys spotted a woodpecker in our pecan tree! With help from a dear friend who loves peckers as much as I do..... (Okay...I promise that's it with the pecker jokes!)....we think we have identified a Female or Juvenile Yellow-Bellied Sapsucker. It was gorgeous!

Rough winds, puffy white clouds moving quickly across a sky of blue, bright sun beaming down on us, and 82 degrees! Right this minute, we are having a severe thunderstorm! The thunder is massive! Along Riverwalk today, dead limbs from the old, old, tall, tall trees were crashing down around us. The wind even made waves and huge ripples in the river water! Turtles, turtles everywhere....coming up to bask in the sun on rocks in the middle of the river. The boys hopped from rock to rock in the river, and even though the water was still very near ice cold, they ended up IN it. We even got to hike the river path with a good friend....and a Babyman!

I Believe I Can FLy ~ February 26, 2011

It's a Saturday and the whole family is at home. The boys were engaging in creative play. They were "flying." Experimenting with parts of their Discovery Kids Pop-Up Tent set as "wings".....jumping off the tops of the couches to test their theories. Finally, Sam comes in the kitchen and asks in despair, "Why can't I fly?" Luckily, Dad the Engineer is there to answer the question in detail. As Dad is explaining, Mom remembers the girl's Wright Brothers book from long ago, when we visited the Wright Brothers Museum. I pull it off the shelf (Ha! Reward for being some kind of organized!) and hand it to Dad. He is able to find pics and such in the book to help. Now Sam has asked to go visit the Hobby Shop in Rock Hill today to look at the airplanes, but Mom is still a nervous wreck from the mean, old Stress Monster attack, and will need a nap to even make it to Dad's drum performance tonight. So...looks like we are into a study of flight. I am thinking Aviation Museum....maybe even a short trip to the Wright Bros Museum! If we do that, we can add lighthouses as well!

This Week in Unschooling

We have fallen into a different flow since we have been taking the girl to school in the mornings (this ride always brings up the Littering discussion....AND...the Why is Cassidy so Mean discussion). We come home, and the boys can do anything they want...Wii, DS, TV, play outside, Legos (wow we have constructed some impressive structures this week), etc...usually we gravitate to running around like wild men and wrestling...then we have a nutritious breakfast and talk about what we are eating and it's benefits...then we go do whatever we want again, then we get bored. The boys will either approach me with their own ideas, or I will offer to play a game, etc., then we just naturally move into our home-schooling. At about 2pm, we usually take a nap, the nap preceded by reading a book or books and talking about the books...or not...until we nod off. I am reading Room by Emma Donoghue, and the cover is very...appealing to a child. Sam took notice, and asked what my book was about. I told him, and he became super-interested...so I read him most of the first chapter...wow..that led to tons of discussion. (You would have to read it to understand! Awesome book! It is actually giving me some creative ideas for Unschooling!)

My favorite cure for The Meltdown, when and if it occurs...is WATER. A soak in a tub full of warm water with one scoop of Epsom Salts and one cup of Bragg Organic Apple Cider Vinegar. Then a massage with Coconut Oil (we have yet to tire of observing Cohesive Force). This week we had one Meltdown that we took to the tub. I actually read a meditation book (The Angry Octopus by Lori Lite) to them while they were soaking, and we practiced meditation techniques. We talk about listening to our bodies. I have never had a kid come out of the tub still in Meltdown Mode. *I* have never come out of the tub still in Meltdown Mode.
 
We read the story of George Washington and the Cherry Tree. George Washington's Birthday was Monday. What do you know, ole George had a moral effect on the boys...the very next day after we read our story...I received a call from Maw-Maw Pam who was in a tizzy about her missing cuckoo clock hands..The boys immediately told the truth about what "happened" to the hands on Maw-Maw's cuckoo clock. Josiah ~ "One is behind the couch........and the other...... is stuffed down in the couch." Sam ~ "Yeah...We wanted to hear the cuckoo cuckoo, so we made them spin round real fast...but they fell off! We tried to tell Paw-Paw, but he was way up there in the field...So we hid them." When I told them thank you and that they were honest and brave, Josiah said, "Yeah! Just like that guy, George...that chopped down that cherry tree!"

Josiah wanted to hear Don't Rant and Rave on Wednesdays (a book I bought for the girl long ago)...on Tuesday night...lol....He usually cuddles in the bed with me with a book, but Sam loves to bond over the Idiot Box with the husband. Most of the time, husband at least makes it a documentary.

We walked to the dentist Wednesday, and taking a walk is Talk About Safety time, Talk About Littering time, AND Talk About Prepositions time. You may walk beside of me or behind me, to the left of me or to the right of me, but you may not walk in front of me, we are walking across the street, etc...Josiah calls them pepper-sitions...lol! I found some too cool free printable pepper-sition flash cards online...monsters! $240 later....No cavities! This spurred a conversation of what we did and didn't do that may have contributed to no cavities (Nutrition).We always do Wing King Cafe for no cavities. I love watching the boys look over the menus...Sam is always suggesting new things and reading the descriptions to me. I love that Sam notices the prices and compares them. I love that my boys choose sweet tea even when they have free choice and could choose a soda. I love watching their interactions with the waiters, etc. 


Sam did Multiplication and Fractions this week. He asked me for Multiplication print-outs on his own, and the Fraction sheets were from his 3rd grade math book.

On his own, completely self-motivated, Sam read instructions and constructed a Crossbow from the book Mini Weapons of Mass Destruction by John Austin. He was very excited when the book suggested he use a pocketknife to cut a plastic pen shell, but he was not very excited at all when I said, um, no. I would be okay with a stick, but I don't think he is ready to cut hard plastic with a pocketknife. Or maybe he is...and I'm not.

Josiah did Addition and Subtraction. We used Cascadian Farms Organic Chocolate O's as manipulatives...fun, fun, we can eat the manipulatives as part of the Subtraction!

Josiah and I worked in Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, two phonics packets, and Sight Word flash cards. It's interesting to watch...some words he is sounding out, some words he pulls from memory, and some he guesses by looking at the pictures. Of course, all of this is encouraged, because he is learning the way he chooses to learn.

We played Sum Swamp (this game ROCKS!), Addition Facts Bingo, Multiplication Bingo. Josiah is quite the bad sport when it comes to losing. He has been that way for a few months, but I feel that it is gradually getting better. He really gets wound up when he and Sam connect DSs and Sam is winning. I have tried talking him through it, but nothing matters to him except that Sam LETS him win, and I refuse to have Sam LET HIM WIN...so....I make them disconnect when he starts flipping shit...Does this sound coercive? Tough shit...I have needs too, and that squealing goes in the opposite direction of my needs being met. I always talk to him about how, if something is making you this upset, you need to walk away from it.

Sam's Dad got him a cell phone. I was slightly pissed at first, but I am beginning to not mind, because he is asking me how to spell things when he texts. I am thinking I will start texting him myself (even though I hate texting!). Better he gets tons of my grammatically correct texts than...well...you know....

The boys have really stayed on top of keeping their room, toys, and beds tidy this week.

We did lots of play with the dogs, the tree perch, and scooters, bikes, and ramps in the cul de sac. We have two neighborhood, public-schooled friends that we play with every day, for hours in the evenings.

We were so excited to spot three new backyard visitors this week: A Male House Finch, ?a Yellow-Rumped Warbler?,  AND....a woodpecker! I'm thinking maybe a Yellow-Bellied Sapsucker...but he was SO HIGH and kept moving, so I don't have good pics by which to ID him.

I am reading over this, and I deserve a two thumbs up. In spite of battling something viral all week, exhausted adrenals, and getting a swift blow of super-stress, it appears that I hung in there.

Mary McCloud

How much do you reminisce about the times in your life when you were a complete moron? Or do you even recognize them? I don't beat myself up daily, weekly...perhaps monthly? One of my moron moments that pops into my head most frequently is that of Mary McCloud.

I was 19 years old and in college in Nashville, TN. I met Mary in my Biology class one semester. She was unique and I liked her a lot, immediately. Mary was not what you would consider attractive according to average opinion. Red hair, pale, pale skin, and chunky. The good person in me accepted her as she was and loved her for her above average qualities...but the weak, conforming moron in me secretly judged her, and, was embarrassed of her.

Summer came, and we all went home. Mary lived in Brentwood, so she didn't have very far to go home. I went back to Gastonia, NC, and immediately got back into the swing of things. I started running with a party crowd from Mount Holly, and fell head over heels in love with the king of all morons, "Beef".

Mary had made plans before last semester was even over...to fly out and visit me. By the time it was time for her visit, I was so involved with Beef and his friends, that her visit was a thorn in my heel. As soon as Beef and his crowd saw her, they immediately rejected her, and Beef even openly made fun of her.

Me, being the weak soul I was, dragged her along to every party, but ignored her, never stood up for her, and even snapped at her.

She went home. We never really spoke after that. I didn't really care.

Beef and I made it until I turned 21. He was a drunk, he cheated, and he hit me a couple of times. He even tried to sleep with my BFF.


Mary McCloud was worth one million times the person that Beef and all of his idiot friends were put together.

I have searched for Mary everywhere online and can't find her.

Josiah Owns It!

I am so excited for Josiah. We were riding down the road yesterday, and he announces that he wants me to teach him how to read. He has been asking a lot of questions for the past several months, noticing words, spelling them out, guessing what they are, etc...on signs, in books, on restaurant menus, maps, instruction manuals, etc. He plays games with us like Sight Word Bingo, etc, and we just help him along. He recognizes and "reads" words he sees around the house...like our names, etc. But this is the first time he has asked for a sit-down, formal lesson. I was not feeling well when we pulled into the driveway. I have picked up a respiratory bug somewhere and I am fighting it off. But I managed to pull two phonics kits I have and some sight word cards. We got in the bed and did our Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons (which we have done for awhile but not formally), plus our new stuff, until I gave out. He is so focused! He is so funny, telling me and Sam (who loves to blurt out the word first) to shut up, he wants to say the word. Even though Sight Words are like breathing to Sam by now, it is still a good review for him...he did miss about 2 of them. A few hours later Josiah asked to go at it again. Gosh it was close to 10pm and I was so looking forward to bed, but we did another round. I had to make him stop, because I felt so weak and achy. I am so thrilled and of course I am going to rise to the occasion, but somehow I imagined it going like this: "Mom, I want you to teach me how to read.", at which point, I would set aside a small amount of time each day and cover things in order, gradually, day by day. Oh no. He wants to go and go and go at it, so it is my job to help him go at it!

I am not even sure he could recite the alphabet all the way through if he was asked. He only recognizes some letters by name, others by sound, and those are the ones he has asked about because he wanted to know.

Josiah owns his learning!

"Learning to read is easy, and most children will do it more quickly and better and with more pleasure if they can do it themselves, untaught, untested, and helped only when and if they ask for help." ~John Holt, Learning All the Time

Unschool Teacher Work Day

I have one scheduled today. I won't be doing lesson plans or grading tests. My kids have not had every last ounce of natural curiosity juiced out of them by formal education, so I don't have to lay out plans for what I am going to force on them. In fact, they hit every subject area required by SC on a daily basis on their own, and I can barely keep up with them.

I will be working on me. Clearing my mind, and inviting peace into my soul.

I can't be good for my family if I am allowing "things" to clutter my mind, divert my attention, and master my being.

Sometimes, my kids drive me insane, and I am ready for them to go somewhere else for awhile. Then, as soon as I find myself all to myself, I don't know what to do with  myself. 

I begin my day with this blog post, just to set things in perspective. I have opened all of the windows and I am aware of the light, cool breeze on my back. I am aware of the birds singing. I am only allowing positive thoughts.

I will be grateful for every chore that I do, and even take pleasure in them. I will be grateful that there is nothing more I desire than to exist peacefully in the moment.

A Bird's Nest in Spring

I think my ex probably did a fantastic job of painting a picture of himself as the victim in our split-up. Eh, who cares. All is well now. We get along. This post is not to take a stab at him. This post is not to defend myself. It is only to express a memory that came back to me as we were trimming some brush in our back yard yesterday, and Sam and I were checking for nests before we made the cuts....

Back in 2007...Grandaddy had kicked the bucket in 2006, and I had possession of his $35,000 brand new John Deere tractor during probate. It had a huge loader attachment on the front of it. We really didn't have any good reasons to use it, so it remained parked.

It was spring, and Sam discovered that a bird had built it's nest in the attachment and had laid eggs. OH wow. We were so excited, and peeked at them daily.

Also that Spring, Paw-Paw-Ex-FIL had big plans for his gardens, as he eye-balled Grandad's shiny, in-probate tractor. I told my ex: "He can use it. But there is no reason to move the attachment (loader). It won't be long before the eggs hatch and the birds leave." Like, WTF do you need a loader for, when it comes to a garden, anyway???? Ex knew how important nature was to me, and how it was important to me to not disturb it or rape it, and that it was especially important to me to model respect for nature for the kiddos.

I came home one day to find the tractor...and...the loader attachment.... gone. He claimed he moved the nest, which is still unacceptable. I found the nest and the eggs...all smashed...on the ground. He then changed his story to...the nest and eggs were already destroyed, must have been wild dogs or something.

After years of marriage, I finally had a moment of clarity: He sincerely didn't give a damn about what was important to me, even if it was as simple as preserving three bird eggs.

We are really enjoying this awesome weather. Yesterday, we made a tray of snacks, sat in the floor in front of our sunny, open window and played games, kid's choice, with the breeze tickling our skin. Go Fish, Sight Word Bingo, Opposites, Spelling Bee, and I Spy Eagle Eye. This was after a few hours of outside play. The boys have been begging for me to authorize a trampoline water fight for a few days now, ever since they saw my Facebook profile pic of them and Shai having one, and remembered..."Oh yeah...that was crazy fun!".

Monday, our day was dedicated to prep and attendance of our Rock Hill Home School group's Valentine Party. The boys made Hershey's Kiss Chocolate Covered Cherry Mice all on their own, and had a blast doing it, and had even more of a blast eating mice parts as they worked on the Mouse Assembly Line. I was asked to help coordinate the crafts. This is the type thing I thrived on doing for many years of my life. Something happened a few years ago, right before I left my ex, and now, something as simple as decorating Valentine bags and making tissue paper flowers caused me weeks of anxiety, and a full blown panic attack the night before. It all turned out just fine though. Josiah won the first cupcake on the cupcake walk, and he was so thrilled! A home school friend left with us, and we spent the remainder of the evening playing in the park. 

My worms got a sexy, new condo this week. It was my Valentine's gift from my husband that I picked out and ordered myself. They seem to really love it! I also got a hanging bird bath. I really love our backyard birds. The Great Backyard Bird Count is this weekend! We have really been studying up on our bird identification, because ummm, if we report, it does no good if we report the wrong birds.

We are learning all about compost and vermicompost (we actively do both). We have several books we read over, but Sam still tried to offer his orange peels for the compost bin. I told him no citrus, he asks why??? Well, our book just gave a list of no-no's, but didn't include the Whys?....We start researching, and it appears that there is some debate about it. Citrus takes longer to decompose, but many claim it does fine in their compost. In vermicompost, it looks like it is avoided just because it's not the worms fave snack. We are going to start saving our citrus is something separate until we do more research and figure it out.

I am crazy excited about gardening this year. I am crazy anxious about starting my plants from seedlings. This is something I have never had much success with. I have been researching like a mad woman. I am going to try several methods at the same. I have a small greenhouse, outdoors. I have a plant lamp for indoors. I have seedling heat mats coming that I ordered. I already have my heirloom seeds. We will see. I have a secret weapon...Nettles. We will see. I am also a little anxious about preserving. I am pretty good at canning, but I have found in the past that flat top stoves don't work well. I will cross that bridge when I get there.

This week, we have had Chihuahua Anarchy. Tito has discovered a way to get out of our fence, and we have not solved the mystery yet.

Go With the Flow

My boys and I have developed the most beautiful flow. We flow through the day and work through our issues peacefully, and it is absolutely amazing.

"Amazing things happen when you're doing something you love and you're just letting it flow..." My husband posted this as his Facebook status last night. He was talking about his own passions, of course, but it perfectly described what I have been feeling lately.

Even being on my own schedule, as my husband so frequently reminds me, I still managed to stress us all out!

I have implemented a few things that have turned out to work like magic for us, even though they should be common sense to me by now....

I went from over-scheduling home school and extra-curricular activities that had us running around like chickens with our heads cut off, to just staying at home. The boys are much happier! Now, we can slowly add one activity back in, and see how it goes. Why in the world do we feel like we have to have our kids in something all of the time, when all they really want and need is free, creative time to themselves? The more you have going on outside of the home, the less you are eating and drinking properly, the less you are communicating and interacting with one another, the more you are over-stimulated. I watch people living vicariously through their children on Facebook every day. I recognize it and don't support it, but realized that I was mildly practicing it myself! Ego and indoctrination run deep. Never underestimate how much you are being controlled by what you think you are not controlled by. 

RANDOM: **I remember, after the two years of going through my divorce when I worked and sent the kiddos to preschool & school, and then found myself back at home with my children through a crazy turn of events, thank you Universe! :) :) , I was nearly out of my mind, because I didn't know them anymore. I had to get to know my kiddos again! My husband was pushing for me to do it, and I was thinking of every excuse to cling to my job, because I had been on the front lines with my kiddos for years before, and I knew for a fact that going to work and sending them off to someone else....was much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much easier!!!**  

Even though I am a seasoned home schooler who knows that the myth of home schoolers not being socialized is complete bullshit, I still felt the need to rush my children around to every thing available to "show" how much they interact, when, in most of the activities, they can't even interact with the other kiddos anyway because it's so damn structured...just like school! (The shy, quiet girl that home schooled would have been the shy, quiet girl through the school years as well, dumb-asses!) Someone posted on Facebook the other day that their child got their first behavior "ticket" pulled after 105 or 150 days of school...because she couldn't stop laughing at something funny her friend said. I am so thankful that my children are able to "socialize" with such a beautiful variety of people on a daily basis....babies, adults, teens, kiddos of all ages, employees, the elderly, autistic children, male, female, gay, straight, black, white,  hispanic, rich, poor, all faiths, handicapped, disabled, sick, well, etc, etc, etc., and...laugh as long as they need to, because humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy, diminish pain, and protect you from the damaging effects of stress. 

I got to rambling about "socialization"...oops...

I was in the habit of cooking gourmet meals almost daily, to get an ooh and an ahhhh from my husband. Getting this oooh and ahhh fed my ego, and was the first replacement I used for ego-feed when I quit my job and lost the ego-feed I received there. I used it to PROVE that even though I was no longer bringing home $$$$, I was worthy. Getting this ooh and ahhh and illusion of worth took up a lot of time and money. I have gradually adopted the following menu plan: It will be organic, all-natural, and well-balanced nutritionally. But it will be from what we already have in stock, and it will not be on my mind all day, and if I am in the middle of something, it will not be ready to serve at 5:30pm. Probably not even 6:30pm.

Keeping the house tidy. My husband would say that I *never* kept it tidy enough to his standards, but I was going all crazy every day to make sure everything was in it's place, mostly for the Husband's approval. Well, guess what...he would come home, and find something else to complain about. Now, I keep it tidy enough for my satisfaction only. I no longer care about his approval. He has a faithful, educated, motivated, spiritual, supportive wife who adores him, and three awesome bonus children. I would say the problem here lies with his inability to be thankful and content, and not with my housekeeping skills.

It's crazy, but throwing the load off has given me more energy to be in tune with the kiddos. I feel that I am truly parenting them now. Moments I had a tendency to "snap" are being replaced with talking through issues, and recognizing and meeting their needs. I can feel the energy changing, and the benefits are obvious immediately.

Mud Pies for the Soul

I had forgotten all about them. Warm, Summer days in Granny's back yard.


The weather yesterday was just gorgeous. The boys and I went out back to soak up the rays. I tried sitting and jotting down thoughts in my Notebook as the boys played in their tree-perches, but negative thoughts kept creeping into my mind. I decided I needed to burn some energy, so I put on my gloves and grabbed the hedge clippers. I started some shit with the honeysuckle. As I snipped branches and slung them behind me, I allowed the negative thoughts to flood through me. I just opened up and, as Husband says, "sat in the room with it." The flood wouldn't stop, though, it got worse. It wasn't long before I was pretending that certain people were the vines, twigs, and branches, and I began snipping away violently, even going after thick stems that the clippers couldn't really handle. Damn my arms are sore today!

Then it happened. I turned around to "fuss" at the boys because they were getting slack about moving the branches away to "the pile." They had a full baking session going on. Josiah had two butter knifes chop, chop, chopping dirt, like a chef. They had a dog bowl full of mud batter mixed up, one mud pie ready to bake in a frisbee pan, and they were spooning out mud cookies onto a board. They took them all over to a sunny spot to "bake".

And just like that, all was right in our world.

I returned to my snipping, but my snipping changed. The tree was my soul, and I was snipping away twigs of bad energy. Snip, snip, snip.

Treasure in the Bamboo Forest

We should all be familiar with our Pit Bull story by now.

When we cleared the path through the yard and put up the fence, the Bamboo Forest got fenced OUT of our yard. And...the Bamboo Forest just happens to be right next to the chained, aggressive, Petey Pit Bull Dog.

We recently had a barrier put up between Petey and the Bamboo Forest, one end connects to a neighbors fence, one end connects to our fence. If Petey, or any of his Pit friends get loose, he will have to travel around several houses on a different road to make his way to our house. Hopefully, he would be delayed by something else, like a squirrel, or the tire of  a car....and never make it.

Anyway, yesterday was the first day the kiddos got to play in the Bamboo Forest.

They came bursting through my front door all smiles, presenting me with the gift of a one-eyed ceramic frog. It was for me, for Valentine's Day, they told me. I swear, my heart melted. I gave kisses and hugs and thank yous.

This is the most beautiful one-eyed frog ever, and I will display it proudly.

Raw Thoughts on Love and Kindness

It really bothers me when I see children (teens specifically) tearing one another down. I am not claiming perfection. I did it when I was a teen. I had the ego bag full of shit ready to sling on the defensive, and I was not afraid to use it. My Mother was not as tuned in to how I interacted with other teens (females specifically), because she wasn't the type I could confide in. She couldn't read it on Facebook. We kept our shit-slinging on the down low back in the day. I carried this ego bag of shit with me even throughout a lot of my adult life, and so did others.  Each year, our ego bags got bigger, picking up anger, hurt, rejection, and disapproval. From all ages, not just our peers.

So I wonder. Is all of this natural, something we need to go through? Did we create it? Or maybe not created it, but amplified it by the way we formed our society? Did we form our society around it?

Throughout life, after I purposely hurt someone (even though I know full well by now that it serves no good purpose in the Universe to do so, I still slip up!) or accidentally hurt someone emotionally, I almost immediately have a flood of thoughts that nearly knock me down with remorse. I feel so genuinely sorry for that person, even if they were genuinely mean to me. It moves me to tears. I feel it all the way down to my soul.

Some of the happiest moments of my life are moments when I reconnect with some of the people who hurt me, and people I hurt.

If I do not retaliate, I remain silent, and time...hours, days, weeks, months, years.....wash the hurt away, but a stain remains. It seems the only way for me to find love for the person is to retaliate, then regret it.

 Last night I focused all of my being on sending positive energy, peace, and love to someone whom I have strongly disliked for two years now. I have no idea what might have done for them, but I awakened with a strong sense of peace. Throughout the two years, I have spoken positive, kind, supportive words about this person and to this person (in blog entries, in person, and on Facebook), in spite of her perpetual negativity. I have bitten my tongue over and over. I put my husband on the front lines with her, because he handles the negativity better than I, in spite of the fact that he dislikes this person even more than I do, and called her "game" from the start. It was not enough.

I can't control or change anyone, but I can seek peace for myself.


I don't have a lot of conflict with people in my life compared to many. But Plan A for me is to start sending positive energy to a person as soon as I feel negative energy coming from them, rather than waiting for the explosion.

Insulting Compliments?

My kiddos were away from me for 24 hours or so recently, spending some time with people they love, people they don't spend a lot of time with.

I have had some issues with these particular people in the past with my oldest lovie. Ohhhh...such as quizzing her, testing to see if she was up to par "academically", asking her investigative, nosey questions, attempts at religious indoctrination, even bad-mouthing me. So even though my "give a damn what you think" button is disabled by now, I still have some echoes that creep in when it comes to them having direct, unsupervised contact with my lovies.


So after this visit, I receive some compliments...delivered with a slight touch of ?shock? disbelief?...

Why? do people find it shocking when children or adults who do not play the traditional, mainstream Christian game display kind, loving, and generous attributes?

(I can read their minds: "Our prayers must be working, for those kids to be turning out so well in spite of their beer-drinking, swearing, home-churching, traditional-school-hatin', crazy-ass parents.") 

Neither myself nor my children need to a member of a Christian or any other church to have beautiful souls.

And.... PS - You shouldn't use prayer to try to *control* others.

I will not allow my head to swell up with parental pride when someone is impressed with my kiddos. They make their own decisions about how they want to be and how they want to treat others. It's no special parenting magic that I possess, it's no tight ship I keep, it's not a parenting book I read.

My children are not reflections of me, and I don't want them to be (even though I am quite fabulous if I say so myself...) We are autonomous, we are perfect, and we are imperfect. We just ARE what we ARE.

I must say. It is extremely liberating and like a breath of fresh air to be so genuinely complacent now when it comes to receiving approval from those I ridiculously wasted time begging for approval from for years.

OH! How could I forget...let the record show that they didn't even say any "bad words."  YAY! I'm going to place extra stars on their behavior charts right away!

"Bad words"....that's a whole 'nuther Blog entry.

Dressed Up Mommies in Very Nice Cars

I forgot to start my beans in the crock pot yesterday. 3pm rolls around when I realize how screwed I am. I probably could have pulled something together that did not require thawing or cooking for several hours, but the boys and I had been working diligently all day, and my brain just couldn't produce a winner. I had to pick up Pumkin' from her voluntary prison of forced association at 4pm, so I decided I could pick up Chinese since we would be out anyway.

I sent Pumkin' in the Chinese joint to get the order, because, of course, the boys and I were still in our PJs. Some may call that lazy. I call it keeping the laundry load down. This is where I disagree with Flylady. Get dressed from head to toe to stay at home all day? Insanity.  

The order must not have been ready, because she was in there about 15 minutes. It was 5:30pm and I was sitting in the truck looking out across the Food Lion parking lot. The boys were in the back seat battling each other in a game on their DSs.



I saw many, many Mommies. In their nice, dress-up work clothes. Rushing in, rushing out. Hurriedly herding their little ones in, and their little ones and their grocery bags out. No one was smiling. They all had very nice cars though.

It made me very sad. It made me start thinking about all kinds of things.


And that's all I have to say about it right now.

Unschooling Moment: Tub Chemistry

Josiah was soaking in the tub the other night. I gave him his chunk of Coconut Oil to moisturize with. He loves to play with it in the tub, and watch it "melt" and  form bubbles, which he thinks look a lot like jellyfish. Amazed at how the bubbles seem to be attracted to one another, and actually move towards one another to combine in the water, he began to wonder.

(We actually came across Cohesive Force a few months ago at Home School Science in the Park, where we made a lava lamp. We talked about it then and thought it was great...)

Well, I couldn't remember what it was called exactly, so we called Dad in and he couldn't remember the exact term Cohesive Force, but we agreed that the molecules were attracted to one another, and Dad said that this is a way they clean oil spills from the oceans. Dad admits that Chemistry is not his strong subject, and Mom admits that it *is* hers.
(Aha! Now we remember...we read that in our Oil Spill book!)

So Mom authorizes more Coconut Oil, and we observe the wonders of Cohesive Force as we soak in a tub and get the best moisturizing you can give your body.

Next morning, pulling out our books on hand and making use of Google, we pull it all together.

Then we remember Surface Tension! Yeah, we did an experiment on that before as well! Wow! Talk about real-life application. 

We love animals, and one Google Hit caught our attention. Which animals are most affected by oil spills, which animals repel the oil, etc. We get sad sometimes by what we learn.



As it turns out, Cohesive Force covers a wide range of things and leads to others. We can cover it all if we like, and in the time we want.

We didn't cover Cohesive Force because we came to that chapter in our textbook, or because it was listed on the South Carolina Public School Curriculum for this year. Nor did we wave the natural curiosity away because it wasn't on the South Carolina Public School Curriculum, or because we were too busy or too lazy or too accustomed to being spoon fed limited information only to spit it back out on a test for our "Grade". 

All A's? Honor Roll? Great. Way to go. You caught on to how to play The Game. But much more importantly, when your child shows curiosity about something, and says, "Hmmm .We will have to research that and find out about it.", just because we want to know....*that* is of life-long value.

To All of the Giant Burrowing Cockroaches....

Litter Bug or Litterbug means "someone who litters" or .......refers to the Giant Burrowing Cockroach, native to Australia. 

When I see litter, and especially when I witness the actual act of littering, I become crazy pissed off. So, this morning I was driving down the road crazy pissed off, and wondered why am I so much more sensitive to this than many others? Besides the obvious reasons why littering is wrong for the environment.  Besides the obvious fact that people who litter have specific negative attributes in common that seep into other areas of society besides littering, and poison the Universe.

I have an established history of being abused by Litter Bugs. 

Let's go back in time to the years I was married to the ex. Nine years of it. Not all bad, but not all good for sure. See, the outlaws owned a machine shop. The outlaws operated the machine shop. The ADULT, MALE outlaws and their LAZY, MALE guests littered. There were a handful of children playing about the machine shop and it's grounds. Yes, I'm sure some of them littered as well. BUT. The LITTERING ADULTS made the children carry trash bags around and pick up the ADULT LITTER. My baby girl hung out there a lot with my ex. And when I found out that MY baby girl had to pick up nasty trash that lazy adults scattered about, you better believe it made me scream. And scream even louder that the kiddos were only doing just as what the adults "modeled." AND MADE ME PULL MY FUCKING HAIR OUT that they were yelled at, threatened, and spanked for imitating what their adult "models" were doing.

Let's move on. I own vacant property in Gaston County. Throughout the years, this vacant property has been used by trespassing whores and their trespassing clients to conduct business on. It has also been used as a dump. Someone even hid a weapon there once. Hell, there may be human remains as well. Bottom line is, it will cost me a lot of fucking money. I am responsible for cleaning it. It brings my market value on the property down. If it becomes an environmental hazard, I can accumulate fines. It's my property, but I can't take my children for a hike on it. I'm afraid to. Needles, condoms, torn underwear...weapons....and what if we run into one of our frequent visitors? OH, I have my No Trespassing signs with the Statutes on them, and it is registered with the police, but it does no fucking good. I fantasize about sitting in the woods with a gun and piling the bodies up, one by one, the Giant, Burrowing Cockroaches will become extinct. I am being raped by the whores and low-lives of Gaston County on a daily basis and there is not a fucking thing I can do about it.

Our home now. Used to be farmland. Apparently, we got the farm dump. I have put hours into clearing trash, glass, plastic, rope, metal, wires, you name it and someone's lazy ass dumped it. I'm still working on it. I even have irritating nightmares about picking up trash, and the more I pick up, the more there is.

I even cry when I see litter, anywhere. Please don't litter. Please, please, please stop hurting this beautiful Universe.

Monday, Monday....

Yesterday, I took Shaimek, our 8 year old African-American neighborhood friend, to pick up my boys from their Maw-Maw & Paw-Paw's house. This is the ex's family. The boys were so thrilled to see Shaimek! Our ride home turned serious quickly, however, when my 6 year old blurts out, "My Paw-Paw hates black people!" Six year old is laughing, like it is a joke. I'm sure because this is fresh on his mind as he leaves his Paw-Paw's, then he is in immediate contact with Shaimek, so he is trying to put it all together in his little mind.

My vent: So. You see my children less than 10 hours a month, and even that is a privilege considering your history of violence, oh, let's say, gun & hoe fights, etc....yet in that small time, you manage to show your ignorant, racist colors? Nice. So add that to the list of things you do all day: Lay on your ass in the bed and watch Westerns, get waited on hand and foot by your (working) wife, and spread the racism ignorance on down to your Grandchildren.



So, the remainder of the ride home goes like this: Me ~ "Yes, he does, Josiah." Then the talk about the history of racism, etc, which we know A LOT about from our interest in the Civil War and our studies during Black History Month. We discuss morals. We discuss how much we love our African-American friends. Etc.,

Sooo.....my sensitive 9 year old exclaims, "No he doesn't! He loves black people!" and burst into tears as he makes up reasons why Paw-Paw does not hate black people. He cries and cries and yells at us to stop saying "bad things" about his Paw-Paw.

We talk about how he can still love his Paw-Paw even though Paw-Paw has different beliefs. We talk about how there are good things about Paw-Paw to love. We talk about the time period Paw-Paw grew up in, and the time period Paw-Paw's Dad grew up in, and the time period Paw-Paw's Dad's Dad grew up in, and how this hatred was most likely passed down. We talk about MY Grandaddy, who Sam knew and loved, who called the nurses the "N" word until he died, and even though I was hurt and humiliated, that there was nothing I could do to change him. We talked about how we hold the power to stop it with this generation!

We talked about stereo-typing. We talk about how, when some white people have a bad experience with a black person, they judge all black people by that, and vice-versa.


By the time we get home, and I have to keep moving to take care of my family, I am so spun out from the all of it, I pretend that Paw-Paw is the bell pepper I have in my chopper. This brings back a lot of years in that family dealing with prejudice. Very painful for me.

When husband gets home, he talks to the boys again about it. Thank God I am here and not there anymore.

It is extremely difficult to explain hatred such as this to children. It breaks my heart to see children hurt because people that they love hate. I can only imagine how this tears Sam up inside. Sam loves Shaimek. Sam loves Lorenon. Sam loves Paw-Paw. Paw-Paw hates black people. Shaimek and Lorenon are black. It's not that serious to Josiah yet, but it is still leaving a mark.

I do think that the Universe gives you what you need when you need it, so I will believe that experiencing this will work towards the good for us and the Universe, rather than the bad.