Yesterday, I took Shaimek, our 8 year old African-American neighborhood friend, to pick up my boys from their Maw-Maw & Paw-Paw's house. This is the ex's family. The boys were so thrilled to see Shaimek! Our ride home turned serious quickly, however, when my 6 year old blurts out, "My Paw-Paw hates black people!" Six year old is laughing, like it is a joke. I'm sure because this is fresh on his mind as he leaves his Paw-Paw's, then he is in immediate contact with Shaimek, so he is trying to put it all together in his little mind.
My vent: So. You see my children less than 10 hours a month, and even that is a privilege considering your history of violence, oh, let's say, gun & hoe fights, etc....yet in that small time, you manage to show your ignorant, racist colors? Nice. So add that to the list of things you do all day: Lay on your ass in the bed and watch Westerns, get waited on hand and foot by your (working) wife, and spread the racism ignorance on down to your Grandchildren.
So, the remainder of the ride home goes like this: Me ~ "Yes, he does, Josiah." Then the talk about the history of racism, etc, which we know A LOT about from our interest in the Civil War and our studies during Black History Month. We discuss morals. We discuss how much we love our African-American friends. Etc.,
Sooo.....my sensitive 9 year old exclaims, "No he doesn't! He loves black people!" and burst into tears as he makes up reasons why Paw-Paw does not hate black people. He cries and cries and yells at us to stop saying "bad things" about his Paw-Paw.
We talk about how he can still love his Paw-Paw even though Paw-Paw has different beliefs. We talk about how there are good things about Paw-Paw to love. We talk about the time period Paw-Paw grew up in, and the time period Paw-Paw's Dad grew up in, and the time period Paw-Paw's Dad's Dad grew up in, and how this hatred was most likely passed down. We talk about MY Grandaddy, who Sam knew and loved, who called the nurses the "N" word until he died, and even though I was hurt and humiliated, that there was nothing I could do to change him. We talked about how we hold the power to stop it with this generation!
We talked about stereo-typing. We talk about how, when some white people have a bad experience with a black person, they judge all black people by that, and vice-versa.
By the time we get home, and I have to keep moving to take care of my family, I am so spun out from the all of it, I pretend that Paw-Paw is the bell pepper I have in my chopper. This brings back a lot of years in that family dealing with prejudice. Very painful for me.
When husband gets home, he talks to the boys again about it. Thank God I am here and not there anymore.
It is extremely difficult to explain hatred such as this to children. It breaks my heart to see children hurt because people that they love hate. I can only imagine how this tears Sam up inside. Sam loves Shaimek. Sam loves Lorenon. Sam loves Paw-Paw. Paw-Paw hates black people. Shaimek and Lorenon are black. It's not that serious to Josiah yet, but it is still leaving a mark.
I do think that the Universe gives you what you need when you need it, so I will believe that experiencing this will work towards the good for us and the Universe, rather than the bad.
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