It really bothers me when I see children (teens specifically) tearing one another down. I am not claiming perfection. I did it when I was a teen. I had the ego bag full of shit ready to sling on the defensive, and I was not afraid to use it. My Mother was not as tuned in to how I interacted with other teens (females specifically), because she wasn't the type I could confide in. She couldn't read it on Facebook. We kept our shit-slinging on the down low back in the day. I carried this ego bag of shit with me even throughout a lot of my adult life, and so did others. Each year, our ego bags got bigger, picking up anger, hurt, rejection, and disapproval. From all ages, not just our peers.
So I wonder. Is all of this natural, something we need to go through? Did we create it? Or maybe not created it, but amplified it by the way we formed our society? Did we form our society around it?
Throughout life, after I purposely hurt someone (even though I know full well by now that it serves no good purpose in the Universe to do so, I still slip up!) or accidentally hurt someone emotionally, I almost immediately have a flood of thoughts that nearly knock me down with remorse. I feel so genuinely sorry for that person, even if they were genuinely mean to me. It moves me to tears. I feel it all the way down to my soul.
Some of the happiest moments of my life are moments when I reconnect with some of the people who hurt me, and people I hurt.
If I do not retaliate, I remain silent, and time...hours, days, weeks, months, years.....wash the hurt away, but a stain remains. It seems the only way for me to find love for the person is to retaliate, then regret it.
Last night I focused all of my being on sending positive energy, peace, and love to someone whom I have strongly disliked for two years now. I have no idea what might have done for them, but I awakened with a strong sense of peace. Throughout the two years, I have spoken positive, kind, supportive words about this person and to this person (in blog entries, in person, and on Facebook), in spite of her perpetual negativity. I have bitten my tongue over and over. I put my husband on the front lines with her, because he handles the negativity better than I, in spite of the fact that he dislikes this person even more than I do, and called her "game" from the start. It was not enough.
I can't control or change anyone, but I can seek peace for myself.
I don't have a lot of conflict with people in my life compared to many. But Plan A for me is to start sending positive energy to a person as soon as I feel negative energy coming from them, rather than waiting for the explosion.
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